The things I like about Justin.

1. We get along.

2. We share many similar interest.

3. He's a great guy.

4. Works hard.

5. Very nice looking.

6. He's Caring.

7. We have a lot in common.

8. His Personality

9. He's independent.

10. He helps out sometimes.

11. Romantic

The things I don't like about Justin

1. Cursing

2. Sometimes Selfish

3. Lusty

4. Distant

The things I miss about Justin

1. We use to do things together.

2. Him Holding me.

Does the good out weigh the bad?

Most certainly. I have so much more to look forward to with him then to glance back and say: “Hey you didn't do this.” or to break up over something stupid like he doesn't hold me anymore. To me a relationship is more then just hanging out, cuddling and having sex. Chemistry (Which I call physical attraction) can not play the important role in holding a relationship together.

A relationship to me is held together by not only “chemistry” but morals, trust, communication, willingness to work on it, and so on. Theres a whole list of things that play a role in keeping a relationship in check. Sadly not many people thinks that only “chemistry” is needed to hold a relationship. As you know, and I've already said, I beg to differ.

To me, a relationship based on chemistry is a very lusty relationship. It wont last and eventually things will fall apart. In a lusty relationship, one doesn't care about fixing it. They figure they can get another sucker later and doesn't even care about your feelings. I have had a few of these. And they literally broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with them. Of course later down the road we because friends again.. But thats a long story and I wont ever date them again. A true relationship however takes the willingness of both parties. And if you think sitting at home watching TV will help the relationship, you are terribly mistaken.

In order to keep your relationship from falling apart, you need to take time out to let the other person know how special they are to you. Whether it be taking them out, commenting on something they've done, randomly hugging them, helping them out, holding hands, sitting side by side watching a movie, have a special dinner, and the list goes on. And no this isn't just for guys to do for girls. I've learned that Guys like the equal treatment. The want to be taken out, they want for her to do something nice for them, they want to be commented. Even if they say “no” it means a lot to them to hear it.

Out of all the things about Justin, I like the fact that he is caring. Most of all, that he cares about me. And I do care about him. Shortly followed this, I like that he is a hard worker and that we have similar interest. Even though right now it might not seem like it. I don't have a job, he does. I need to get back into college, He's finished. However, We are able to talk about a lot of things. And very little of it do I ever say I'm not interested to talk about it. I think as long as we keep politics out, or conversations are pretty much okay to talk about. I mean, I like cars, certain sports, animals, food, music, movies, games and other things. I can't even think about them right now.

However, despite all this I always get the feeling that no one wants me around. No one wants me to touch them, hold them, be with them. A lot of that could be how I was raised. I never was really held and loved on. I was yelled at and beaten. Molested and thrown around. The 'I love yous' where so empty that the meaning meant hardly anything at all. It was probably the only thing that kept me from killing myself. And for a while there, I didn't like being held. I didn't like it when people touched me. Until I met Justin. When he put his arms around my body, I melted. I felt as though he really loved me and that the world was at a still point. When he touched me, my body shivered. When he kissed me, my lips wanted more.

Its hard to have that now. Being distant wont bring these things back. However, pushing them wont either. Its a critical point where you just have to stand your distance and hope it comes back to you. Being a girl, rushing things is something they do best. I know. However, not a lot of girls know how to take that step back and just let things come back to her. I can just look at Justin, and tell he doesn't want me to lay beside him, or ask for him to hold me. Its all in body language. I wouldn't mind if he laid his head in my lap and watched TV. I wouldn't mind if he came up behind me and just wrapped his arms around me (so long as I wasn't cooking). I wouldn't mind if he just randomly kissed or hugged me. Actually you want something that would turn me on, thats something to start with. Be romantic.

Which is another thing I liked about Justin. And it isn't because he bought me things. It was more on the lines, he was so sweet with the things he did. We'd go out and do something or stay at his apartment and do something. And by not you are probably thinking 'well how is staying at his apartment romantic?'. Being romantic doesn't mean being me flowers and a kiss on the cheek. Being alone in your lovers home is the perfect place to be romantic. Or here, let me put it in another term: Intimate. Many people long for an intimate relationship, however doesn't know how to start it or if its really what they want. So lets go over what an intimate relationship is.

Basically everything my current relationship was. When you are in an intimate relationship, you want to be close to one another. You trust one another, you share things you thought you wouldn't speak to towards anyone else. You kiss, make out, fondle and so on. Hold hands in public, let everyone know you are together, lovers. Thats what an intimate relationship is. And its something I want back, and I hope to get it back with the man I love the most, Justin.

So before you hook up with someone, you see him for the first time. You ask yourself these questions:

1. Could I live with him?

2. Would I have his kids?

3. Would I want to support him?

4. Do we have similar interest?

5. Would you take his last name?

Once you have answered those questions, whether it be yes on them all or yes and no or no on all of them, you will know for sure if the relationship is work having. For me, I answered them all yes. I could live with him, I would like to have his kids, I would support him in any way he needs, we do have similar interest, and I would take his last name. However, these are just questions you ask yourself before engaging into a complete relationship. Even after forming one, you still have to work on it. And the funniest thing ever is, and no one tells you this, you will always have to work on a relationship. Even elder people who have been with their lover all their life still has to work on their relationships or else they come to that point where they don't want to be around each other anymore.

Now where in all that did I mention chemistry? I didn't. However, I'm sure you are wondering how chemistry plays a role in relationships. So here we go: As I said before, to me, chemistry is just physical attraction.

1. Do you like their appearance?

Thats about the only question you have to ask yourself for Physical Attraction, or as most call it Chemistry. If you are just physically attracted to that person, you might as well not bother, because it will not last. All you would do is get yourself into a relationship full of lust, hate, and betrayal. If you want an honest relationship, then don't go by chemistry. Eharmony is wrong. You cannot connect two people through chemistry. Maybe by similar interest and willingness to have a relationship, but not by chemistry.

And the reason why I say this is because, chemistry has to do with chemicals. Anyone who took that dreaded class in high school knows what chemistry is. Now are things like interest, trust, communication, morals, virtues, honesty, well being, care, and love chemicals? No they are not. Therefore they are not chemistry. However, that tingling feeling you get when you are around the girl you like. The emotions that it creates and the arousal you get are chemicals since they take place in the body. If you where to base your relationship on those feelings, it wont last. I'm telling you. Sex sells not loves. Too much sex will ruin a relationship.

So what is all this talk about compatibility? If we aren't suppose to judge a relationship based on chemistry, then what about compatibility?

Now we are really getting somewhere. You need compatibility to make things work. Having similar interest and able to be around each other without fighting shows compatibility. The way I look at this is a cake. All the ingredients have to taste good together in order for it to taste good when you eat it. A relationship has to have all the right ingredients so it will taste right, instead of leaving a bad taste in your mouth. If you have just the right interest and goals, then the ingredients are just right and you are compatible. Also a computer can be used as a metaphor for this. You cannot run a computer on mixed parts. All the parts on a computer have to be compatible with each other before you can get it to run. Once you have all the right parts your computer will boot up. Something so simple as a bad RAM stick will cause your computer to not want to start.

So after all that talking, I'll sum things up for you. A true working relationship isn't based on chemistry. Instead both parties have to want to have the relationship, work on it continuously and trust once another. They have to have similar goals and interest and are willing want to spend the rest of their life with this person.

Which is how I feel about Justin. I want out relationship to last. I want to eventually marry him, and I would love to have a family with him eventually. However just because those are my wants doesn't mean they are his. And I respect him and his own reasoning.

Sometimes I'm selfish fake
You're always a true friend
And I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
though I wish i would be

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
Sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry, cry

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
 


~All I have to say....